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« With Apologies to William Shatner, Rod Serling and "The Twilight Zone" | Main | If A Tree Falls In The Forest »

November 30, 2004

Comments

Kay

Bron--too right! Everything you said!

xoxo Kay

Cyndy

Great philosophy! Just a Kindergarten thought...Kindergarten teachers are gods and there is no substitute for God. When my oldest was in K every other utterance was "Mrs. Kessler says..."

Nancy

It's funny that you brought up this subject. A few weeks ago I posted and mentioned that I had decided that next year I would be knitting more for myself. It's been a rough year and frankly I deserve it and so do you.

I think I'll get my good goblets down and drink some Hawaiian Punch.

Marie

Amen Sister! Reverend Bron you hit the nail on the head once again. A toast to Bron in our special crystal goblets!

Dorothy

Hear, hear! I couldn't agree more. My grandmother gave me a hand made quilt when I married. I got a lot of grief from my friends for using it on my bed and then my son's. But I knew my grandmother would be heartbroken if I didn't use her gift. It is now threadbare and worn, but I think of her everytime I use it!

Jessica

I haven't learned to knit yet, but I've been crocheting for almost a year now. Nearly everything I've made has been gifts, except for some of my scarves. And that's partially because I made them too long and therefore didn't want to give it away! I too need to learn to keep some stuff for myself and hope to work on that after Christmas!

Leisel

Oh, that attitude about adoption irritates me so! Putting a child up for adoption is rarely about not wanting that individual child... it's about knowing you're not able to be a good enough parent for the child at the time and LOVING THEM ENOUGH THAT YOU WANT THE BEST FOR THEM, REGARDLESS OF HOW HARD IT IS FOR YOU. Giving up a child for adoption is an incredibly difficult thing for most mothers, but even so, it blesses so many people in the process, even the mother who is making that huge personal sacrifice.

Even in those rare cases where the adoption is because the mother doesn't want the child... it's really because the mother does not have enough capacity for love or the ability to raise a child (any child), NOT a reflection on the little one.

Adopted children should never feel less because of it... after all, someone WANTED them so very, very much.

Sorry about the rant. I'm an adopted child, so this is a subject very near and dear to my heart. Adoption is a wonderful thing!

Karen M

I found your blog through Emma, and I've got to say that this really hit home with me. Our family is much the same way - everybody else gets the best, we should be happy with the rest. It's a tough thing to overcome. I've resolved this year to make things just for me, for no reason at all. I'll be getting out the "good" china more often too :D

I'm an adoptive parent, so don't get me started on the whole "real parent/gave them up/pretend parent" thing. We have an open adoption, where we visit with our child's birthmother fairly regularly. If she ever wants to know why her birthmother made the decision to place her with us, all she has to do is ask her. I'm so sorry that your mom never got that chance. I think it would have helped.

Leisel

All that was to say, it saddens me so much that your mother was made to feel less than she was.

I wondered after I wrote it if it sounded as if I was upset at you, and that wasn't what I meant to say at all... I was upset at the person you mentioned who felt the need to put her down so that they would feel better.

kim

An excellent point, Bron. I've found myself doing a related thing, which is to say, "Hm. I'm just learning this, and my result isn't totally perfect; I'll have to keep it and make a perfect one for someone else." Which, of course, only ends up stressing me out because I never end up making anything perfect!

Lisa in Oregon

I really needed to hear that Bron, you have no idea!! Same thing at my house growing up..."everything" was "too good" to use, or throw away or whatever. Wow have you sparked something inside me with this. Very powerful, thank you. L

La

That is so sad that your mom was made to feel that way about being adopted. I (along with 2 of my 3 brothers) were adopted. We were raised to believe that we were cherished, and that for whatever reason, I biological parents loved us so much, realizing they couldn't care for us the way we deserved, gave us to a well deserving family that wanted children so badly that they'd put themselves through the entire legal process just to have us.

20 years ago, I gave my daughter up for adoptions, not because I didn't want her (just the opposite) but because, being a single woman in the armed forces, I couldn't give her the life and the family she deserved.

Your mom was special and cherished, and much loved by 2 extraordinary women. First, at her birth by her birth mother, and then throughout her life, by the woman who raised her. Blood MAY be thicker than water, but love holds the most weight in the world.

(Can you tell I feel strongly about this subject?)

Margaret

I have a great TRUE story about my friend Thelma. Thelma is in her 60's and married to Orville, a man about 15 years her senior. One time Thelma was cooking for a branding and a friend came to help cook. Thelma handed her the spatula and asked if she would cook the meat. The friend took one look at the spatula and commented to Thelma that it was actually Dangerous; half the plastic was missing from the handle. "Do you have another spatula?" asked the friend. "Well," says Thelma, "there's My Good One." So the friend replies, "Who are you saving it for... Orville's Second Wife????!!!" Thelma got out her good spatula. LOL

Now there's a good lesson for all of us... Shouldn't we be the ones to enjoy our own things? Exactly Right and You Betcha!

Bron

Bron, this post was absolutely powerful! THANK YOU so very much for making this point. Once you brought it up I had such warm thoughts of my own mother's little quirks and how they have become quirks I now retain. I am going to remember this post and hope that it gives me some help to get through the holidays this year without my mother. I think my New Year's Resolution will be to love and cherish the things I do have and enjoy them while I have em. So to you I raise up my old tea cup...to your goblets and salute you for this post.
*salute*

Larry

My everyday dishes are my best. My daughter gave them to me and I never use them without thinking of her. My "good" dishes are put away, not because I think they're too good for everyday use. They just don't speak to me. Besides, there's yarn on top of them.

Nathalie

Yeah - I so agree with your sentiments about living in the moment - It is hard to do - I'm so sorry you fight that legacy every day.
All power to you in the process! My favourite saying is on my fridge: "The road to success is always under construction".
(There are times when I want to throw something at the fridge in retaliation, but mostly I dont.)

re: "rainbow skittles thoughts" - I almost wet myself laughing! but I have been sending them to you all the same

re: adult conversation - you're speaking to someone who
1. counts to 5
2. says no thats red not green
3. says no dont [insert verb], do you want a time out?
4. etc etc etc. A THOUSAND TIMES A DAY! I'm right there with you Bron

Bron

Thanks Kay!

Cyndy - That's why I like taking Kinder jobs - they treat you SO much better than older kids. Plus they're so funny!

I agree, Nancy - you & I deserve to have a good year in 2005. We've been through enough for awhile!

Cyber high-five to Marie! Kinda glad I was preaching to the choir & I struck a chord with so many. :) It helps to know you're not an odd duck. :::grin:::

Dorothy - I do the same thing with quilts from my Great Aunt Nina. I use them & think of her every time....that's surely what people wanted!

Bron

Definitely start keeping things, Jessica! I've found that that's the best part of being a crafter. :) You can see what you've done & how far you've come in knitting & crochet.

Hi Leisel - No, I know you were ranting against people's attitudes, not me. ;) I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said. After all, my grandparents adopted me!

Hi Karen - thanks for chiming in. :) I won't say I'm glad you can relate, 'cause that "second best for us" attitude IS a problem. But here's hoping we both have a great 2005 with wonderful things just for us. :)

And you're right - an open adoption would've solved a lot in my Mom's case. But her adoptive mother was paranoid about losing her to someone else & kept a tight rein on all the adoption information. So in many way Mom was a victim of her adoptive mother's neurosis. I wonder if she would've been allowed to adopt in modern times when guidelins are so stringent.

Kim - I do the same thing! Then I get all tense trying to make something *perfectly* and it never happens. Sigh - talk about unneeded stress!


Bron

I'm glad my post resonated with you, Lisa. Sounds like you & I had very power similarities in our childhoods!

La - Yes - adoptions now are so different than back in 1912. In that era it was almost like placing a puppy in some instances. Mom was just born too early & had the wrong adoptive parents, unfortunately.

Margaret - too funny & too true! Thanks for sharing. (Now where are those "good" utensils I bought the other day....."

Ro - (for some reason your comment is showing up under my name, but I know it's you!) Yes - I just wanted people to enjoy what they have in the here & now. I think to those of use who have lost someone recently that has a special poignancy. Wishing you the very best this holiday season!

See, Larry, that's the ticket. You've got it in a nutshell. Use what people give you....and cover everything else with yarn. :::Grin:::

Thanks for the good thoughts, Nat! You know the hardest part about working with 5 yr olds? I keep forgetting they can't read! ha!

And "rainbow skittle thoughts" work! I finished the sleeve last night...whew!!!!

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